Total Carnage. Malibu Games/Black Pearl (1993) Super Nintendo

I kinda liked Super Smash TV, it was bloody difficulty, but if you were in the zone, and everything just “clicked” it was bloody fun and a hell of a laugh.

So what would Acclaim do to follow that great game up? Well, them being a lazy game developer they pretty much reskinned Super Smash TV into a Faux-Schwarzenegger commando type military shooter in the vein of MERCS. Continue reading


Dark Souls. From Software (2011) Xbox 360

Who likes smashing their face against a wall repeatedly? Because that is what happens in Dark Souls. It is a game where you headbutt a concrete wall so many times that you’ll eventually start to chip away at it. You can give up, go to hospital, return home and do something else. Or, you can get patched up and resume the head meeting wall scenario until you chip away a little more wall. And when you make slight progress you feel so triumphant in your head wall smashing ability that you charge headlong into the next wall, immediately snapping your neck and returning to hospital.

How much you enjoy this will have a direct correlation to your anger levels and the amount of control pads you can afford to smash into itty-bitty pieces after the 37 attempts at FUCKING Ornstein and Smough GAH HUMPH FUUUU, but if you can get over the initial difficulty there is a stupidly good game behind 75 reinforced concrete walls. Continue reading

Fire Emblem. Intelligent Systems (2004) Gameboy Advance


Also know as “Fire Emblem 2003” (US release date) and Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade to help it stand out in a series that at this point had 6 games in the series. It was the first game in the series to get a Western Localisation and is a prequel to The Binding Blade, the 6th in the series.

There are many games that I have played in my time that have made me angry, but none that have made me quite as apocalyptic with rage as Fire EmblemFallout 2 made me rage by a stupid difficulty spike at the end, and the shear RNGESUS of Football Manager made me smash more than a fair number of keyboards.

And with that, we have a game with awful RNGesus, a stupid difficulty wall that puts even Shaolin Monks and Fallout 2 to shame, yet somehow, manages to maintain a certain charm.

There were moments where I threw the Gameboy across the room, and it is probably a marvel that the console survived the experience. Continue reading

UFO: Aftermath. Altar Games (2003) PC


UFO: Aftermath started off  “The Dreamland Chronicles: Freedom Ridge” by Mythos Games, but was eventually abandoned. It is an homage to X-Com, and is partly based on the abandoned X-Com: Genesis. It is *NOT* officially related to UFO: Enemy Unknown (X-Com: UFO Defense).
Continue reading

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. Bioware (2003) XBOX


There are games that come along every now and then that have blown my socks off. Silent Hill 2 is one of them, Final Fantasy VI is another. With that, Knights of the Old Republic is firmly in the socks blown asunder camp.

I played this a lot at release, I borrowed the XBOX version off of a mate, but I also ended up buying my own copy for the PC. It means that I have played through it a number of times, attempting different paths. But it is probably 10 years since the last time I donned the Jedi robes and ventured into the Old Republic if we ignore the MMORPG (please ignore the MMORPG).

So buckle up for a longer than usual review. Continue reading

Gunfighter II: Revenge of Jesse James. Rebellion (2003) PlayStation 2

I am going to do a top Light gun Games list soon, and to do that I want to get a few games out of the way. So apologies to the many people who don’t like On-Rails shooters as much as me.


Gunfighter 1 was a really slow Time Crisis clone, it looked like shit, and didn’t play much better. And since I am coming close to the end of collection of Light Gun Games it was a case of barrel scraping, and seeing what is left. Continue reading