Dark Souls Series Bosses Ranked.

Back on the never ending Dark Souls train, WHOOOP WHOOOP! CHUGA CHUGAA CHUGGA CHUGGA

Unlike the individual game series I have decided to leave my initial scores out of 100 that I originally assigned to the bosses on my own criteria when I started this lisy well over a year ago, this included fun, generic interest, difficulty, overall experience and whether the fight adds anything, whether that be lore or teaching and preparing you for future fights. This means some bosses have been given the same score and therefore will tie for that place. I decided to remove most of my original commentary as this came in at nearly 10,000 words, and let’s be honest. None of you are going to read that! Hell, I couldn’t be arsed spell checking it.

The individual lists are:

Dark Souls 1
Dark Souls 2
Dark Souls 3

52. Prowling Magus and the Congregation: Dear lord a trash fight… Magus is one guy, his congregation is 10 shit guys. You run in and smack things and hope you don’t have to do it ever again. 0

Prowling Trashbag and the trashgregation

51. Royal Rat Vanguard: This is also apparently a boss fight… You fight 20 endlessly respawning rats. One of them is their king. Run around an awkward room designed to get you trapped and gangraped and whack rats, if the main health bar depletes then that is the Rat King and you can unload all your stamina into it potentially killing it in a single combo. 3

Royal Rat Trash Bag

50. Skeleton Lords: This is another trash fight, you fight three skeletons that are as hard as three regular skeletons. When you kill one of the three main skeletons a few smaller skeletons will spawn. You might die once or twice on this boss, as you are not expecting the spawns. The second is if a skeleton wheel clips you in the ass. It is a waste of time piece of shit that adds nothing. 4

More trash

49 (tied). Royal Rat Authority: Sif was a good doggo, This is a shitty reskin boss to look like a giant rat that looks like a zombie dog. The fight is a fucking chore though as the entire thing comes down to whether or not you can orchestrate a perfect entrance with  timing swings of the sword to kill the toxic causing regular rats. 5

Shit gankfest reskin is shit gankfest reskin

49 (tied). Old Dragonslayer: Urrhm, this is literally Dragon Slayer Ornstein. Same moveset, but lower stats which makes this fight feel like a generic dude in armour as a result. It is a shame to besmirch Ornstein’s legacy with this none-boss fight fight. 5

Ornstein hasn’t even be reskinned here. It’s just a shit version of Ornstein!

49 (tied). Last Giant:  This guy doesn’t qualify as a boss fight. 5

He is a tutorial boss, so what more do you expect from him.

48. Twin Dragonriders: This is the Dragon Rider boss, but there are two of them. One stands in an awkward spot firing great arrows at you, the other is slow and shit. So you walk around the room timing your attacks between sword swipes and arrow hits. But just like the Belfry Gargoyles, more of the same does not make a better fight. 9

Not pictured is his buddy with a Greatbow spamming arrows at you.

47. Moonlight Butterfly: Dying to this moth should embarrass you, but on a first playthrough you’ll be forgiven a few deaths as the platform is narrow and you might not know how to dodge roll properly this early in the game. 10

Shit bloody moth…

46. Belfry Gargoyle:  If you haven’t fought these in Demon Souls or Dark Souls then you might find this a novel fight. But more of the same is not better. 10

Just add more…

45. Covetous Demon: It is a big slug… That’s it really. A big fucking slug. I will give it some credit for the arena design in that if you shoot the pots in the room hollows will fall out, the slug will then eat them giving you a massive window to two hand 25% of his health bar off.  I dislike the boss, it is bland, and boring, and the only entertainment is shooting the pots to watch slug-boi eat a hollow. 12

Slug-boi!

44(Tied). Bed of Chaos: Fuck this guy, surprised this wasn’t the worst to be honest. 15

fuck you!

44 (Tied). Dragonrider: Usually the first boss I try to take on. He hits HARD, with a high amount of stagger but ultimately a piece of piss. 15

The Dark Souls 2 bosses fundamentally lack awe.

43. Scorpioness Najka: This is a, uninspiring reskin of Quelaag in a much less interesting arena. 16

Bewbs!

42. Ancient Wyvern: You are relying on the controls and context specific attacks in a game that is renown for being slightly awkward, coupled with blind-spot ganking enemies makes this boss a fuck nugget.

Get ready for shoddy platforming

 

41. Taurus Demon: Bit of a joke to be honest, but nicely teaches you the ropes. 20

Check this big lad out!

40. Lost Giant: He is completely optional, and you’ll only bother fighting him if you want a less tedious Vendrick fight. That’s about it for bothering with this fight.

Big lad is big. And boring

39. The Rotten: A major story boss that I completely forgot existed. 25

To be fair, he is pretty rotten…

38. High Lord Wolnir: Wolnir is interesting from a lore perspective, but not so much as a fight. 29

“Sings a song about putting a ring on it.”

37 (tied). Bell Gargoyles: This is you learning to avoid magic attacks and some more complex move sets than the previous bosses. 30

This fight teaches most of the mechanics you’ll need for later.

37 (tied). Baneful Queen Mytha: Medusa headed boss lady that is forgettable due to Dark Souls 2’s sheer amount of bosses. 30

I still struggle to remember her

36 (tied). Vendrick: He has possibly the most tedious fight in the series as this fight is a boring 10 minute slog where you stand in his ass and butt prod him, slowly chipping his health away. 32

Prepare for 100 butt pokes

36 (tied). Dragonslayer Armour: He is a fat Ornstein with a massive shield and lightning axe. But telegraphed attacks make this a bit of a let down considering how far into the game he is. 32

Probably the dullest character model in the game

 

35 (tied). Iudex Grundyr: lulled into a false sense of security by being the tutorial boss. He starts off as a fast and relatively hard dude in armour that is purely there to teach you dodging, before getting angry and snotting out of his armour to take on monstrous blob form. 33

He turns into a 17 foot Snot Monster.

35 (tied). Demon Firesage: The second pallette swap of the Dark Souls tutorial boss.  33

he gets blurry apparently

34. Pinwheel: This boss is so easy a lot of people kill it 2nd. And you’re supposed to do him towards the end. 34

Check this joker.

33. Pursuer: Classic first run boss difficulty frustrating to say the least if you fight him early when you have nothing to block/parry/regain health with. Absolutely snoozefest n New Game + with more health and potions. 36

Don’t stand this far away from him…

32. Deacons of the Deep: These are a trash fight with dozens of enemies that are weaker than American beer, and on New Game + they guys are even easier. 37

This fight gets a bad rep.

 

31. The Duke’s Dear Freja: This is a two faced Spider, so butt nuzzling isn’t the go to strategy. Cool boss design, but the fight is pretty tame. 38

Pretty hard to find a good screenshot…

 

30. Crystal Sage: Is a generic wizard that fires weak and fast, or slow and powerful magic at you. It can be fun, but is very frustrating when you’re trying to learn the mechanics. 39

29 (tied). Vordt, of the Boreal Valley: Another first run boss, he is relatively fast and pretty powerful early on. You’ll die a few times learning the games mechanics but then you will be one-combo killing him on new game +. 40

Like most things, dodge round and butt poke.

 

 

29 (tied). Asylum Demon: One of three pallette swap bosses that gets a little bit of credit for being optional. 40

Prepare for butt pokes

28. Nashandra: I honestly hate this boss, she is simply bland with a boring banshee design, and not as hard as other regular bosses you fight in the game. 41

That beamwill hurt marginally more than those curse wells, which hurt a lot.

27. Capra Demon: He is just a fucking gank boss.  This fight teaches you some of the core components of the game, but being instakilled as you enter the arena is deeply frustrating especially after a long corpse run. 42

26 (tied). Stray Demon: This boss serves as a tutorial, and you can knock off well over 50% health by following the tutorial. So it shouldn’t ever be an issue, on a first play through you will die several times. But he is slow, and has weak attacks. 45

26 (tied). Flexile Sentry: This boss has grown on me after several playthroughs. Fast and weak and slow and hard depending on which of the Sentry’s sides you fight. 45

No butt poking, just side poking.

25. Velstadt, the Royal Aegis: Velstadt demonstrates perfectly some of the mediocrity in boss design in Dark Souls 2.  The only thing to watch out for is the spell that has a long wind up and minimal tracking but will mostly likely kill you if you’re hit by it.  47

I actually really like this boss

24. Lost Sinner: Fast and weak is the best way to summise Lost Sinner. You fight her in a large dark room which makes keeping the camera attached to her difficult (unless you light the oil outside the room). 48

Light room, and jobs a good ‘un.

23. Old Iron King: More than a little bit generic as a fight and design, as it is a massive fire demon submerged in lava. The knockback will punish new players and as a result can be unfairly frustrating until you discover the blind spots and predictable fight pattern. 49

This fight has grown on me.

22 (tied). Demon of Song: Is a big frog that has a big obvious weak spot. Demon of Song is one of those bosses where the fight itself is easy, but the run up to it is such ballache with overly powerful casters and gank enemies galore that you never want to bother. 50

Hit the thing inside the frog thing.

22 (tied). Four Kings: Did you learn to DPS quickly in the Bell Gargoyle fight? Because if you didn’t this fight could get nasty. You start with one King, and then another one, and then another. If you are slow here you will be overwhelmed. So get in close, attack and dodge. It is honestly a cunt of a fight unless you have high enough damage output. 50

Bit of a knob.

21 (tied). Yhorm the Giant: You can fight a gigantic ass mega dude with slow attacks that can’t one shot you slowly chipping away his humongous health bar (i actually did this first time I fought him), or you use the Storm Ruler weapon and kill him in 4 hits. 52

Big lad!

 

21 (tied). Throne Defender and Throne Watcher: This boss mixes the Dark Souls 2 formula up, as it is one dude in armour with a big sword, and one lady in armour with magic and fast attacks. For the second to last boss it is a little tame and lacks granduer and dissapoints like so many of the Dark Souls 2 bosses. 52

All things considered, this is properly an Ornstein and Smough fight minus the super buff.

20. Iron Golem: Big hard lad in armour whose overly telegraphed attacks means he is easier than the hell of climbing Sen’s Fortress that proceeded him. 53

Don’t fight him this way, he’ll through you off the bridge…

19 (tied). Abyss Watches: They are dudes in armour, but they are pretty interesting for dudes in armour. 55

Holy clusterfucking Christ!

 

19 (tied).  Ancient Dragon: 99% of the ffight is with the bullshit camera, and all your deaths will come from the rain of fire attack that almost entirely fills the giant arena. 55

Look how cool this guy looks (you die 0.3 seconds later)

18. Old Demon King: Fairly generic fire demon boss aesthetically and he is fairly unpopular amongst the community. I however rather like him. 57

Spoopy

 

17 (tied). Oceiros, the Consumed King: Here you have a weak boss, with some thoroughly mediocre attacks. But is fast and frantic creating a fun experience as Oceiros dives around the room. Pretty much Vordt on steroids. 60

Skeevy little thing

 

 

17 (tied). Guardian Dragon: Bonus points for not being a dude in armour. 60

Eat Dragon Fireball!

17 (tied). Ceaseless Discharge: I honestly don’t think I have ever killed this boss without cheesing it. 60

He is a big fire thingy.

 

16. Champion Grundyr:

He is a reskin of the tutorial boss with the training wheels taken off. 61

 

15. Soul of Cinder: I have had fights where his second form was entirely made up of him changing form throwing one attack and changing again giving me an almost uninterrupted chance to wail on him. So you can plus or minus points depending on the RNG. 62

Final boss is a dude in armour on fire.

14. Lothric, Younger Prince:

You beat up a cripple.  63

“He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother”

13 (tied). Pontiff Sulyvahn: This guy is usually in the top hardest bosses list for the none-DLC version for Dark Souls 3 and to be honest, of all the bosses in this game I have never had an issue with him. Attacks are telegraphed  but they will come at you in a flurry. 65

this can be a clusterfuck

 

 

 

13 (tied). Dark Sun Gwyndolin: This is the only “gauntlet” boss in Dark Souls 1 as you run along a very narrow corridor avoiding the super powerful magic and rapid fire arrows that will almost certainly result in instadeath. Took me a while to find this boss as she is hidden under Anor Londo. 65

Bitch is about to teleport.

13 (tied). Looking Glass Knight (Mirror Knight): So good people can’t always agree on his name, but one of the cooler ideas for a fight, and if you are connected to the internet you could be invaded. 65

Look how cool this guy looks!

12. Crossbreed Priscilla: An Optional Boss you probably won’t find unless you read a guide, because obviously EVERYONE thought to go back to the prison cell you start the game in pick up a creepy doll and then go rub it on the painting in Anor Londo. 68

She is a fairly polite lady until you attack her.

11. Gravelord Nito: I honestly think this is a tedious fight, but other people seem to like him. If you have a divine weapon (which you probably should to have made it this far into the game) you can pick off his skeleton helpers and stop them coming back for deserts. After they are dealt with you have a slow boss whose only real means of damage is a devastating AOE attack that you shouldn’t EVER get hit by. 69

He looks better in concept art.

10. Great Rotted Cursewood: I am surprised this placed so highly in my list, but I honestly love this fight. You fight a giant mankey ass tree and beat it by wailing on his nut-sack. 70

Ol’tree balls

 

 

10. Centipede Demon: This fight is 90% against the camera the other 10% knowing where to engage with the boss. Manage the camera, and you’ll win. 71

Fight him around here

9. Executioners Chariot: I don’t know if I currently love this boss because of my love of Warhammer Tomb Kings, or if it is actually a cool fight. Actually, it’s both, sod you. 72

Check this bad-boi out!

8. Nameless King: I am torn on the Nameless King. As it is either super easy or pad-smashingly hard. Despite this the Nameless King is fun to fight. 75

Big lad and his dude in armoured wearing friend.

 

7. Aldrich, Devourer of Gods: This is another fight that either really easy or really hard, but thi time it is depending on what Aldrich does right out the gate. She can spam you with the mega purple spear killing you, or she can do her shitty homing missiles. Get the bugger down to 60% and they’ll enter phase two. Now prepare for RNG mk.II. Here she will either try to hit you with her crummy scythe, or endlessly spam the guaranteed death of the arrow barrage. You can avoid this by running around, but if Aldrich casts this successively, which RNG allows, you can’t possibly manage the stamina. 78

 

6. Seath the Scaleless: Ignoring the fight you are supposed to die in, Seath is a mini-puzzle. If you don’t destroy the crystal he will regenerate his health. If you do, then just avoid the breath attack as you smack Seath in the nuts once or twice before running away to safety. 80

I can never cut this dragon’s tail

5. Gwyn, Lord of Cinder: It took me 15 playthroughs to bother saving Solaire which renders this fight a joke. Gwyn is fast, with decent attacks. Dodge or parry and slowly chip away while you enjoy his music. 81

Grumpy bastard is our Gwyn.

4. Chaos Witch Queelag: Not sure what that does for your sexual fantasies, but cool design, if a little impractical on the kink front. 85

Bewbs

 

4. Dancer of the Boreal Valley: This is typically the hardest boss in DS3 for me, which is odd as she is just Pontiff Sulyvahn with the dials turned up. As a melee fighter you need to perfect the dodge rhythm as you dance through the swirl of blades. Or cheese it, your choice.  85

She will CUT you

 

 

 

3. Great Grey Wolf Sif: He’s a good doggo. 87

He’s a good doggy!

2. Ornstein and Smough: You die a lot to these twats, but to be honest, they are a fair fight. All your deaths are your fault, as all attacks are telegraphed, so while it feels unfair at first, if you learn the patterns and have stamina and terrain management down you should win by attrition. 88

Fuck these two!

1. Gaping Dragon: My personal favourite boss due to design and boss arena I mean COME ON! It’s a freaking vagina dragon! 90

THE VAGINA DRAGON!

 

 

I'm awesome. I write about videogames occasionally but spend most time painting and playing Warhammer in varying formats.

Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Lists

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Archives
%d bloggers like this: