So… THIS was my favourite game growing up. Not Road Rash, not Aladdin, not Super Mario World or Super Mario Bros 3. You will probably ask why and that would indeed be a pertinent question. You see, the answer is Wayne Gretzky. The only man i’d have sex with. Wayne Gretzky, I’d be intimate with Wayne Gretzky. I think he’s kinda sexy, and I wonder what he looks like naked…
Anyway, I was a Chicago Blackhawks “fan” in the ’94 edition so growing up I honestly didn’t know Wayne Gretzky was somebody I should care aboot. Though now I do wonder what it would be like to have sex with the Great One, I wonder what it would be like to have sex with the league’s leading scorer.
NHL ’94 is one of those spoooooooorts games, but this is a sports game dedicated to THE greatest sport! The Sport of Wayne Gretzky, I know he’s a married man, But maybe, he’d be attracted to me,
Darrin Pfeiffer Van Rockingham, stupid American English boy, Wayne Gretzky, very handsome Canadian man.
Sorry I got distracted again. This is Hockey of the awesome tooth-losing Canadian variety. Before those snowflakes ruined it with the “No punching people into a coma” rule. Fucking liberals ruining my enjoyment of a sport I have never actually managed to stay up to watch live in almost 24 years of trying. *shakes fist angrily at the sky*
But enough rambling what about the sport, what about the game! Well you select 5, 10, or 20 minute periods (you play 3 periods in Ice Hockey for the uninitiated) and you select the teams. This being in American-ish sport the team lineup is Away Team Versus Home Team whereas us smart Europeans always put the home team first and to be completely honest it did puzzle me for years that the team I played as was so gracious to put the team I am playing on the centre ice.
After that there actually a pretty limited rule set, Offside doesn’t appear to exist, Penalties are turned off by default meaning that one of the most exciting parts of an ice hockey game (Power Plays) don’t happen unless you know to turn them on.
The controls are unbelievably clunky, in some areas this helps with gameplay such as being unable to turn on a dime. But at the same time it doesn’t feel like you’re totally in control. These are professional Ice Sportsing Persons that can skate, I am not controlling me on the Ice, so I expect a little finesse. Which if i’m not being clear, is lacking with the clunky controls.
A skip on skates isn’t great.
God this game is lacking! Just a regular game and playoff mode. I honestly don’t know how I sank thousands of hours into NHL ’94.
I never expected NHL ’94 to still be good but how much NHL ’94 sucks really bums me out. It really does.
20% bonus for not being Sonic Adventure, 10% for being my favourite game when I was 10.
Sadly NHL ’94 is pretty wank.
Pros: Wayne Gretzky , I love you Wayne Gretzky, yeah
Cons: The Game. the time I sank into this fucking game, the terrible Goldfinger joke I had running through the first half of the article.
Back in the Day:
“a playing environment that is flush with realism, excitement and credibility” – Computer Gaming World
“NHL Hockey the 11th best computer game ever”- PC Gamer US
Fair to say it was good, and hell, I loved it. Plays like shit now.
Also Available on: Super Nintendo