Imagine a world where for every good Mario game there was a “Mario is Missing” and “Luigi’s Time Machine“?
Imagine living in a world where you would do anything for the ones you love, only for them to spit a big green loogie in your face?
Well folks, that is the world Sonic fans have lived in since around 1994. Craig in his Sonic Adventure 2 succinctly alluded to the fact that the more of Sonic’s extended universe appearing in a given game the worse the game was, and with Sonic and 7 of his buddies in tow, how do you think the game shapes up?
It doesn’t, Sonic the Fighters is just awful, and like Sonic R it is broken with its imbalance. Tried playing Sonic R as Amy? Don’t bother, you can’t win a race. In a good racing game the characters are well balanced, everyone can win. In Sonic R you can’t win with more than half the characters.
Now picture a fighting game that has 8 characters and 6 of them might as well not exist? That is pretty sums up the roster in Sonic the Fighters.
- Sonic – Alright
- Tails – Nobody gives a flying fuck
- Knuckles – Alright
- Amy Rose – Terrible
- Espio the Chameleon – Terrible
- Fang the Sniper – Terrible
- Bean the Dynamite – Utterly Terrible
- Bark the Polar Bear – Utterly Terrible
Each character is supposed to have a strength/weakness, for example Bark is hard, but slow. Problem is he is so slow that a blind paraplegic would be able to dodge his overly telegraphed moves and counter him. ALL the other characters are equally flawed such as the speedy ones being REALLY speedy but doing zero damage.
It is Virtua Fighter, just without the depth.
Now imagine the random difficulty spikes of Mortal Kombat but with a twist. Getting tired of Tails whomping your ass? Don’t worry, you will suddenly be flawless victorying his ass. Won 5 rounds perfectly in a row? Don’t worry you’ll lose the next 10.
There is no rhyme nor reason to it except “game says you win/lose now”. It all adds up to a terrible game, and a very poor gaming experience.
Dr Robotonik is building Death Egg II, Tails decides to build a single seat plane to fly to Death Egg in the hope of destroying it. Tails then hosts an eight way battle to the death, where the victor of each round takes the Chaos Emerald from his presumed dead former chum and claims the seat on the plane. The winner of the tournament then combines the EIGHT Chaos Emeralds allowing you to beat Robotonik and Metal Sonic.
– It isn’t as though that only 7 Chaos Emeralds exists or anything. So they break the only real rule in the Sonic universe, and the plot hinges on Tails being too much of a prick to build a slightly bigger plane.
Sonic the Fighters explains a lot to me. I can now understand why Sonic fans get so salty about life and criticism of their beloved franchise. Sonic fans are akin to abused spouses with Stockholm Syndrome, or the more sinister “they only beat me because I burnt dinner” type. They are so blinded by the one time Sonic turned up to their house on Prom night with a nice bouquet of flowers, and they forget about the beatings.
Sonic fans, you don’t deserve it. Nobody deserves to be treated this way. Play Mario, I know he has eyes for other genres and has a wide repertoire of cash-ins, but at least he spent more than 5 minutes cobbling them together. The worst Mario games are better than 90% of the Sonic Universe.
Seriously, move on. You deserve better. If we try to put some perspective on the game, even the Sega Saturn didn’t want to get a home port. You will find this bundled on the Sonic Gems collection for PS2 or Gamecube, but this is the second compilation released, meaning it containedall the shite deemed not good enough for the first collection.
Pros: Not playing the game, it doesn’t look as bad as Sonic R
Cons: Playing the game when you could literally be doing anything else. I hate Craig for making me play it. The game gave me diarrhea for 3 days.